I can’t think of anything more useless than recorded live music. Okay, it’s possible I can think of one or two things, but I’m trying to make a point, damn it! Whoever’s bright idea it was to begin recording live music, should be forced to listen to only recorded live music for the rest of their life, or eternity, whichever is longer. We all know only the good die young. It sucks. It really sucks. I’ve recorded live music on many occasions. I’m sure many of us who love music have done so. We’re all guilty. We’re all culpable in perpetuating one of the worst things to happen to society since Duke Nukem Forever. Twelve years of waiting, and for what, a game whose acronym rightly predicted what I would do—Did Not Finish. Wait a minute, it was damn near fifteen years, or longer! That’s a memory more repressed than that time capsule our class buried in primary school (elementary school for those in the US and maybe other places?) that everyone seemingly forgot about and is probably still buried near the cabins we stayed in. Why they let ten year old children sleep in some random cabin together without adequate supervision is beyond me—I digress.
Is It About Social Proof?
I feel as though recorded live music is some mechanism of social proof—like they’re saying, “See, we really can play instruments and sing!” It’s okay, really, we believed you. AI (artificial intelligence) music hadn’t been invented back then and we already came to terms with the fact that terrible singers used auto-tune to cover up their, uh, inadequacies. “Oh, but it’s so you can experience being at Woodstock and seeing Hendrix strip the enamel coating from his teeth trying to play Star spangled Banner.” No, you dork. I’m not old enough, nor did I grow up in the right country to experience Woodstock, but I’ve seen enough live music to understand this line of thinking is copium to the max.
It’s the Atmosphere, Dude
Live music in and of itself can sound awful—it’s more about the atmosphere, the connection with other humans who have a similar taste in music. It’s a time when we all come together. Come together and agree to ignore how terrible our favourite music sounds when played live—to just exist in the moment and recognise the vague hints of notes that when strung together into a three or four minute sequence might actually be your favourite song, though you know better than to ask. That’s one taboo that shan’t be broken.
I’m Guilty—My Personal Experience with Live Music Recording
For someone to record this abomination, this assault on our senses and sensibilities is simply outrageous. I remember one time seeing Rage Against the Machine live, Zack de la Rocha on-stage doing his thing. I had this little Sony camera, so of course when Killing in the Name was teased not to be played, I knew I should have my camera at the ready. This was before the infestation of camera phone screens so numerous they blocked out the stage from all the light. I uploaded the video to YouTube. I remember a little while after, my best friend had the gall, the cajones, the absolute unabashed audacity to tell me that my recording had the best audio of all those uploaded from that night. I mean, really, I barely even couldn’t, or something. This is the aforementioned video:
Case in point, as you can see from above.
The Essence of the Thing, of Seeing Live Music
We’ve established that bands really can at least try and replicate the sounds they made in the studio. Also, that seeing live music has nothing to do with the music—hence why people refer to it as SEEING live music. I rest my case upon my most studiously prepared and totally infallible laurels.
Song Lyrics
Here are the lyrics I wrote for the song I generated for this article (you’ll notice AI took some liberties with my lyrics, for better or worse):
Let's come together
See live music in full swing
Lest we forget
How terrible the recording sounds
Should be seen
Not heard
Bumps
And bruises
From moshing away
Can never be replaced
That awful live recording
Ground to dust
Where it should
Be
Stamped hardcore
Circle pit
Nevermore
All hail
Live recordings
Music's divine
False prophet
Go away
Die for our
Sins
Be gone
You had
Your stint
We care for you
Not-ly
Didn't see Motley?
Get a clue
Ear drums
Blown through
Thank God
Recorded live music
We're
Done with you
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